Raising Ashes
by Imprisoned Wings
Summary: Aisling Reagan is the youngest child of Frank and Mary. When she was sixteen, she ran away. A week before she turns twenty-one, she is forced to return home.


**Disclaimer: Blue Bloods is not mine. I wish it was, Andy wouldn't be a OC if it were. I do not work in the medical or law-enforcement. I am, also, not Catholic. Please do not take offense if I misrepresent your profession or religion.**

 _One more confession,  
Discretion's not what I need to sell,  
I never needed a reason  
For keeping secrets from myself  
And now that's just how I tell  
I'm wide awake  
I'll wreck this if I have to  
Tell me what good would that do?_

— _Masterpiece Theater III, Marianas Trench_

* * *

 **April 2010**

 **12:05:21**

It hadn't been long since Ash had been forced to return home. A week or two, maybe. All she knew was that she was legally twenty-one and if she could get away with it, she'd drink until she couldn't stand. If it were up to her she'd still be living on the streets, doing whatever she'd done to survive the last five years.

Drugs, drinking, selling her body for places to sleep. It didn't make a difference when she had been already broken.

She didn't even know when she'd turned to drugs. It had to have been before she'd ran away when she was sixteen. Right before her mother had died. Had it been her fault? She would never know.

Currently, the recovering drug addict was arguing with her father.

"No. I'm _not_ going." She glared at her father. She refused to support her brother. He had been going to Harvard when she'd run away. Now he was going to be a police officer? Unacceptable.

She could see her father getting frustrated. However, if it hadn't been for the Police in the first place, she'd still be on the street. _Where she wanted to be_. But because she was high — never mind _which_ drug she prefered — and had gotten into a street fight in downtown Brooklyn, she was now required to attend NA everyday or face jail time.

It was rather stupid, in her opinion, the guy she'd gotten into a fight with had deserved it. Nobody bad mouths _her_ and gets away with it for long.

"You're brother would want you there." He tried the same thing he'd said ten minutes ago.

Ash snorted. "I'm sure he wants his fucked up, drug-addicted, little sister there." She drawled sarcastically with a roll of her eyes. She could spin her words just as much as her father, after all _she_ learned it from _him_.

Their stubbornness was one of the reasons they were butting heads _now_. They'd gotten along much better before … _it_ … happened and she'd started using before eventually, running away.

Her father just looked at her disappointedly. She could almost read his thoughts. Almost. But not quite because even she couldn't explain what he was thinking to herself.

He pursed his lips. "Linda will be saving you a seat. If you change your mind."

 _I won't, don't worry._ She thought bitterly. She'd finally get a moment alone before someone would be picking her up for her daily narcotic meeting.

As she watched her father and grandfather leave, she suddenly realized how lonely the house was.

She sighed, continuing to glance at the close every five minutes. _Jamie wouldn't want me there anyway._ She knew she was right. He'd been right behind Danny in being upset that she'd been in the city for five years and hadn't once thought of returning home once she left.

This place… it brought back the most painful moments of her life. Her mother was dying. Her family... well, she hadn't been their top priority. She understood, though. She had been sixteen — old enough to take care of herself for a little while — and it felt like only her mother had understood what she was feeling.

She took a shaky breath. Her mother had been the only one who'd known she was _using_. And that disappointment hurt more than her father's ever could.

 _You're brothers loves you, Aisling. They'd never want you to feel like they didn't want you._

That was the funny thing though, wasn't it? She felt like they wanted her, but that they didn't know her anymore so they distanced themselves until they knew she wasn't going to runaway again.

Technically it would be just her _walking out_ and never returning. The family would probably be better off without her anyway. If she died in an ally and they never knew, then they couldn't mourn. Or, even if she died in the kitchen… they wouldn't have to worry about what she was up to.

 _Stop thinking so negatively._ She chastised herself. _There's no use thinking such things. You're family would notice if you were missing — they noticed before. Or do you not remember the amber alerts, the flyers that made it down to New Jersey._

Ash felt like crying. She was feeling conflicted. Usually, when she started feeling this way, she'd go get high or drunk and ignore all the feelings she was having. But neither were an option at this particular moment (mostly because she didn't have have her drug of choice).

She didn't know when she made the decision to get into more 'formal' clothes, though she didn't like wearing a skirt. It was blue and went down to just above her knees. She put on a dark blue spaghetti strap and grabbed her best pair of sandals. She ran a hand through her black hair and swallowed.

After all that arguing… she was _still_ going to attempt at making it to Jamie's graduation. What a hot-mess she was. She took a cab.

She hoped she hadn't missed _all_ of it. But if she had… well, hopefully they didn't hate her for it. Or did she want them to hate her? _She_ hated _herself._

She paid the driver and climbed out. Swallowing, she snuck in, taking the first seat she could see. Oh, good, she hadn't missed the _whole_ thing. But she'd missed half her father's speech.

As he was talking, she scanned the room for her sister-in-law and the rest of her family. She paled when she saw they were close to the front. Like her father said, Linda had save a seat for her.

She ran a hand through her hair and moved as quietly as she could to where her family was sitting. Both Danny and Linda looked surprised to see her, when they'd obviously heard of the argument that she and her father had.

Her older brother looked relieved and proud that she was there, and Linda smiled, giving her a small hug.

Once the ceremony was complete, with police hats flying in the air, Linda must've taken at least two dozen photos.


End file.
